Jesus, be with me.

Since my return from Phuket in June, I've had about a total of 5 encounters (to-date) of the third kind. I know the Lord is with me and I have nothing to fear but I do not understand why I'm starting to be highly sensitive to 'them'.

1. In Phuket, we stayed in a double-storey villa. I was upstairs with my 4yo niece playing cards on the bed when 'someone' fiddled with the doorknob, as if trying to enter the bedroom. This went on for a few seconds until I shouted,'Who's that?? Come in!" as the door wasn't locked. The minute I said to come in, the fiddling stopped and the door opened, only that no one came in. I got up to swing the door open and well no one was there. We then went downstairs and I knew it couldn't have been any of them as my 7yo nephew was engrossed watching cartoon in the hall with my folks, my sister and her hubby were preparing dinner. As I sat next to my dad, I asked him anyone had just gone up to open my door, as I asked him the light above us flickered. I don't know what to make out of it but I wasn't entirely freaked out until I came back to Singapore. It all sank in as to how could the door possibly open by itself especially after I had yelled to come in. (June 14, 2011, 7pm)

2. I attended my gym class on a Saturday evening and as after I hurriedly got dressed in the locker room, I made my way to the shower area to wash my hands at the sink. That was when I noticed a girl wrapped in a white towel, looking rather pale, with her hair wet and just sitting there at the bench staring into nothingness and looking rather lifeless. Our eyes met as I walked past her (to get to the sink) and I just managed a small smile acknowlegement then went about my business, not thinking back on her or anything about that. That night I slept at around 10plus as I was so flat out from the workout only to find myself awake at 3am and my thoughts went directly to the scene in the locker/shower room when it all became clear to me that OMG I think that girl wasn't a real human. It was as if it was all revealed to me at 3am (why Lord why??) that it was probably a spirit of someone who may have died there in that gym. Of course I tried to confirm this with my PT but as if they're going to tell us that yes someone did die there. (July 16, 2011, 3am)

3. I was fast asleep and awaken by a hideous laughter coming from across my block (where blocks 3 and 4, and the small hilly area). It was clear, it was continuous, it didn't sound human and I'm quite sure it wasn't an animal either. A friend asked me if I was dreaming it and I said no way because I remember feeling very annoyed at being woken up and so I said a short prayer before I fell back asleep. (July 27, 2011)

4. I was sleeping when I was disturbed by 'something' playfully tugging my blanket and nudging me awake. I kept falling back asleep after each time being awake as I was just plain tired. (July 31, 2011, around 5am)

5. Last night I had a nightmare, I've had nightmares before but the one last night was the first that really frightened me that I had to blog about. I dreamt that I was sleeping with my friend in the next bed and I told her not to look out the window (as I believed there was something there). The next thing I know, the 'thing', wrapped in a white blanket, crawled over me and started using its nails to scratch my arm (which I had used to block myself from it). I remember calling the name of Jesus. I cried, 'JESUS!' and a second time, 'JESUS' and it disappeared. And I woke up, said a prayer, grabbed my rosary and tried to fall back to sleep.

Please keep me in your prayers when you pray. I do know that the more you do the Lord's work or try your best to follow His ways, you are bound to face all sorts of stuff that will stop you or deter you from building his kingdom.

I trust in my Lord and in His goodness, and I believe that my Father in heaven will not abandon me.

Melt the Frozen, Warm the Chill

Last Saturday I attended a talk conducted by Sr Elizabeth Sim on understanding your thoughts and emotions. I guess you could say I signed up for it as I really wanted to understand why and how our thoughts and emotions come about and how it affects us. It was a good talk, kept light and well-paced. One takeaway I had from the 3-hour long session was this:

Hurt-->Resentment-->Emotional Debt-->Triggers-->Inappropriate Action

Basically it's when you're hurt by something someone said, and you do not express it to the person who has hurt you, that emotion turns to resentment (whether you know it or not) and this resentment becomes anger not expressed. You then incur 'emotional debt'. This bank of emo debt grows over time each time you keep stuff bottled up or supressed. Soon enough, any incident, no matter or trivial or insignificant can trigger off an inappropriate action that doesn't quite match the situation. For example, a close friend could have lashed out at you without you realising what hit you. Knowing that it's very out-of-character for this friend to behave in this way, there must be a reason for her behaviour. Bottomline is, whatever that is bugging you, it's best to talk it out or to confront the situation.

This is very hard to do. Personally, I believe pride often get in the way of forgiveness and reconciliation between two people who had fallen out. However, I believe that with Christ's love, it is possible. Even if it means you have to do it seventy times seven times.

"Melt the Frozen, Warm the Chill" - My favourite liner from the Pentecost Sequence Prayer

Restless by Audrey Assad

I can't sleep tonight, I guess I've had a few things weighing on my mind recently. Some good, some not so good.

Here's a question: Why is it the people whom you love (and you know they love you too and yet) hurt you too easily? Due to recent events, it must have become apparent how I felt cos my mum came up to me to talk about it. I smiled and told her: don't worry mum, it's ok, I know he's like that, I'm not bothered. I guess you can say I am very bothered. I can only pray and ask God to take away the hurt caused unto me.

Count your blessings I always say. I'm counting them Lord, I'm counting them all. Oh one more thing Lord, please grant me patience, lots of it.

Good Friday 2011

When I was at home this afternoon, getting ready to attend the Good Friday 3pm service*, it felt like I was about to attend the funeral mass of my one and only best friend, Jesus. The mood was sombre and I couldn't help but to notice the air outside was still.

Service started promptly at 3pm as the servers, communion ministers and priests walked in solemnly. The atmosphere was just sad and it was just minutes into the service that the rain came falling down.

Every year, I would tell friends and family, "Just wait and see, it's bound to rain on Good Friday." True to word, it did. I do not, for one second, think it's coincidence at all.

During the Veneration of the Cross by the priest, it continued to pour outside. When the priest unveiled part of the cross and sang the phrase, "This is the wood of the Cross, on which hung the Saviour of the World", the thunder just roared through the air as everyone responded,"Come, let us worship." It was just unbelievably surreal. I cannot fully describe how I felt at that time, it was a mix of sadness and being in awe I suppose.

This song by LeAnn Rimes pretty much sums it up.

*It's called a service on Good Friday (and not Mass) as Jesus had died and is not present in the Eucharistic Celebration"

The Choice Weekend - March 2011

Well, I finally went for the Choice weekend. People (who don't know better) always think that Choice is a retreat for singles to fall in love with each other like it was some kinda match-making event. But just so you know what the Choice Weekend is, it's a weekend retreat where singles aged 18-35yo get together to learn a whole lot of stuff. More information can be found here: http://www.choice.org.sg/

So after 2 failed attempts in attending it, I finally went as I couldn't bring myself to tell Albert i/c of Registration, for the third time, to withdraw my registration :) haha

I enjoyed all of it - dormitory life for the 3D2N, rushing down to the hall when the bell sounded, heading down to the kitchen hungrily when it was time for lunch or dinner, singing grace before meals, making new friends and of course, spending time with the Lord. Also, I gotta say it felt absolutely wonderful to be a retreat participant than the camp organiser :p

If you're feeling like your soul is dying (dramatically speaking of course) and/or you need to breakaway from the daily toil, and of course if you're single and aged btw 18-35, do sign up for it. The next one's in May 2011 :)

What Say You?

Tonight we had Lenten Reflections at Peta's place. It marked the first time we were all gathered at her home since Aunty Anne's departure from earth. It was kept unspoken but it felt like she's never left (in a good way, of course).

Anyway we reflected on Genesis 12:1-4 and share on a word that touched us, A WORD and not a phrase! That was tough to do as for most, it was a phrase or two that caught our attention but a word!

Getting down to it, most of us shared the same word: BLESSING

Everyone shared on how the Lord has played an important part in their lives, even at times when they didn't know of His presence there with them, in their times of darkness and trials.

Looking back, I have to say the Lord has definitely put me in the right direction despite my stubbornness and playful heart. He pulled me out of my sinking ship, gave me a good new workplace for refuge and restoration of my soul. This new workplace was near the Good Shepherd Cathedral where I would attend lunchtime mass sometimes and also where my godmother was working just across the road. She's always there with a listening ear, ever encouraging and supportive of my views, thoughts and decisions., and never for a moment, judge me. The Lord guided me through it all and one year later, I'm back to what I'm meant to do. And the post-it notes written to describe me by fellow colleagues, are to me, an affirmation of the Lord's blessing upon me. I thank and praise the Lord for his goodness and love for me. (erm btw the word 'gambler' was only because I had spent the weekend before at RWS :p but no casino ok! hehe.)

So here's the thing.

Life can really throw you off-course sometimes, but with the Lord always there, whether you know it or not, whether you want to acknowdedge His presence or not, whether you even believe in Him or not, He's there. All you have to do it open your heart to Him and speak to Him, for He is listening.