walk on the water! :)

Every once in a while, a song hits you at every angle that you simply know it's meant for you at this present moment of your life. At least that's how it is for me :) Being on leave this entire week is something I've always wanted but never had the chance to do so. After this week, I'll be moving into a new role in a new dept at a new cubi with new dept-mates to work with. Trying not to think about it only makes it worse cos then I think about it ALL THE TIME! lol. I trust the Lord will walk with me as I start the new chapter come Monday.

For now, this week has been blissful and blessed. Time is a gift from God, ya know and I am very thankful for this time right now in my life.

I finally had time to catch up on this movie called SOUL SURFER based on a true story of a 13yo girl's courage to live on after she lost an arm in a shark attack. One of those movies that really makes you feel like you can accomplish anything after watching it! :) A must-see for all! :)

You look around, staring back at you
Another wave of doubt, will it pull you under? You wonder
What if I'm overtaken? What if I never make it?
What if no one's there? Will You hear my prayer?

When you take that first step into the unknown
You know that He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too

So get out, and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait, and don't you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for, I know you're not sure
So you play it safe, you try to run away

If you take that first step into the unknown
He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too

Step out, even when it's storming
Step out, even when you're broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you
Telling you to give up

Step out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
So what are you waiting, what are you waiting for?

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to hold to you
You know you're made for more, so don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water
Walk on the water, too

"Walk On the Water" Performed By Britt Nicole

"A Hardhearted Harvest"

"When a person first sins," Chip Ingram writes in Holy Transformation, "there may be a short-lived thrill, but there also enters into the heart remorse and regret. But if the person continues in sin, there comes a time when he loses all sensation and can do the most shameful things without feeling at all. His conscience has become petrified."

May I offer you a word of encouragement?

While you can't go back and undo the past or avoid its consequences, you can make choices today that will improve your future. Even if you are living out consequences not entirely of your own making.

[Taken from the book 'Having a Mary Spirit: Allowing God to change us from the inside out' by Joanna Weaver]

The Dress Code Issue

With the recent buzz that made the headlines in the newspapers and online media on matters arising from my parish, I am saddened by how things have turned out.

The dress code issue have been the hot topic of late. People (who do not know better) react quickly when they read headlines that says, 'Woman Told She'll be Banned from Church if she Turned Up in this outfit again'. Opinions are quickly formed and judgement is made on how terrible this church must be to stop someone from entering. Was the word 'banned' really used? Were they first time visitors to the parish? Do you have the full story?

There are so many areas to address, on so many levels.

1. Why did it have to be implemented in the first place? Do church-goers not know how to dress when they attend the Eucharistic Celebration (also known as Mass) of our Lord? Apparently not. Hence the campaign to dress appropriately kicked in because there were people coming in shorts and slippers, sunglasses on their heads as well as very sexy clothes, mostly aligned with the trends of the world. Sure, these clothes may be branded and cost a lot of money, so do you then wear your branded hot pants to a wedding dinner? Or maybe you had been invited to a royal event, do you go in slippers and shorts? So it is rather sad that people (of today) need to be told or reminded to dress appropriately.

2. The Implementation. I shall not go into details here but all I want to say about this is that it was not implemented very well at all. More thought (and soft skills required by wardens) should have been put into how this can be done to avoid crushing the spirit of a person whose intention was to attend Mass. To be denied entry into church is harsh. I thought only God can judge us, and He will. In the meantime, there should be clear and simple guidelines on a dresscode, those who know about it and still fail to adhere to it will be dealt with the big guy himself. Those who really don't know about the guidelines are probably visitors to the parish (imagine being turned away if they are visiting for the first time!) and can't be faulted.

Just abit of background, this was not implemented overnight. People have been informed for more than a year to dress appropriately that this going to happen if there was no improvement. A year on, letters were then given to those who still fail to dress appropriately, asking them to take note, for future reference.

3. The Reaction. I mean, I do get how upset one must be to be denied into the church for Mass. Trust me, I would be too if I was stopped, as it is I disliked how the wardens 'check me out' each time I walk in ;) hahaha. But you have a choice to react in a Christ-like manner (good time to practise obedience, humility and lots of patience for that moment of anger) or behave like a hooligan.

Last November, I was right there when a man yelled at Father because his wife was not permitted into the church. The anger that was expressed in his loud booming voice resounded through the church foyer. Even people seated inside the church turned back to see what the commotion was about. Visibly upset, he stormed off with his wife, after calling for his two young teenage boys out of church both looking very confused at what just happened, and the family of four walked away. That sight stayed with me till this day. What were the kids going to think about the church?

I wish people would just stop to think before reacting so massively such as posting on a tabloid online website and in the papers too.

Did you stop to think about the repercussions of what you have done?

Courageous

Thoughts for now.

2012 started on a good note. The 17 days that followed however felt a little far from it.

Work was hectic, enjoyable (tho' brief) dinner catch-ups with friends filled up most work nights, leaving me with the weekends for church, family ad getting ready for the new week. Amidst all the busy-ness, I just found myself wishing for things to just slow down. You know the saying 'Take the time to smell the roses.' I did not have time to spot the roses, let alone smell them.

So feeling like rather crappy, I headed to church for our first meeting of 2012. It was wonderful seeing each other again (since our last advent for kids session) and my heart was just uplifted as I quietly listened to everyone's heartfelt sharing on what we were thankful for in the Year 2011. Towards the end of the meeting, Peta asked us to choose a bookmark, each with a different picture and a bible verse. I selected this one as it reminded me much of the old fort on St Paul's Hill in Melaka and I love old buildings like these. And God's message to me came clearly to me as I read the verse printed on the bookmark:

May the Lord continue to guide us in our daily lives, send down his Holy Spirit upon us and give us the strength and energy to do His will here on earth.

my homework

Last week at the catechist training course by Father Terence, we were all given homework. We had to re-write a psalm. Any psalm. So I decided to do my favourite psalm :) PSALM 91. I was first 'introduced' to this some years ago by my dad. This prayer had never failed to remind me of the Lord's powerful love and protection for me. So here's my version:

Psalm 91- ASSURANCE OF GOD’S PROTECTION

You who turn to the Lord at all times, in good and bad
All praise and thanks to Him, be it happy or sad
You who place your trust in His everlasting love,
Have placed yourself in His strong loving arms of care

People will plot against you and watch you stumble
Evil lurks around you and await your blunder
But in that lowly second of doubt and confusion
Call out to Him and He will not fail you

He will cover you with his wholesome protection
Keep you safe from every danger
Misery will leave you and joy you will find
In your hearts burning brightly for in there the Lord will shine

The Lord is my protector, and I have nothing to fear
Praise and Glory to His mighty power
By my side, He is always here

-pamela b. -

I called and the Lord, He answered Me!

Praise the Lord! :) The Lord knows I've been thinking alot lately about the Ark's upcoming session for kids on Bartimaeus and He knows that I've been trying hard to look for a good fun song to sing! Today, He gave me 2 beautiful messages! One was taken from Facebook:

And you won't believe what the other message was... actually it was more like the answer to my prayers!! :)) Copy and Paste the link below, turn up your speakers! Have Fun ;)

freemusic.jesuslifetogether.com/Songs-of-Love-and-War/Bartimaeus'-Song (I have no idea why the link doesn't work when you click on it, hence you will need to copy and paste to enjoy this song!!)

Praise you Lord Jesus!! Amen!

Jesus, be with me.

Since my return from Phuket in June, I've had about a total of 5 encounters (to-date) of the third kind. I know the Lord is with me and I have nothing to fear but I do not understand why I'm starting to be highly sensitive to 'them'.

1. In Phuket, we stayed in a double-storey villa. I was upstairs with my 4yo niece playing cards on the bed when 'someone' fiddled with the doorknob, as if trying to enter the bedroom. This went on for a few seconds until I shouted,'Who's that?? Come in!" as the door wasn't locked. The minute I said to come in, the fiddling stopped and the door opened, only that no one came in. I got up to swing the door open and well no one was there. We then went downstairs and I knew it couldn't have been any of them as my 7yo nephew was engrossed watching cartoon in the hall with my folks, my sister and her hubby were preparing dinner. As I sat next to my dad, I asked him anyone had just gone up to open my door, as I asked him the light above us flickered. I don't know what to make out of it but I wasn't entirely freaked out until I came back to Singapore. It all sank in as to how could the door possibly open by itself especially after I had yelled to come in. (June 14, 2011, 7pm)

2. I attended my gym class on a Saturday evening and as after I hurriedly got dressed in the locker room, I made my way to the shower area to wash my hands at the sink. That was when I noticed a girl wrapped in a white towel, looking rather pale, with her hair wet and just sitting there at the bench staring into nothingness and looking rather lifeless. Our eyes met as I walked past her (to get to the sink) and I just managed a small smile acknowlegement then went about my business, not thinking back on her or anything about that. That night I slept at around 10plus as I was so flat out from the workout only to find myself awake at 3am and my thoughts went directly to the scene in the locker/shower room when it all became clear to me that OMG I think that girl wasn't a real human. It was as if it was all revealed to me at 3am (why Lord why??) that it was probably a spirit of someone who may have died there in that gym. Of course I tried to confirm this with my PT but as if they're going to tell us that yes someone did die there. (July 16, 2011, 3am)

3. I was fast asleep and awaken by a hideous laughter coming from across my block (where blocks 3 and 4, and the small hilly area). It was clear, it was continuous, it didn't sound human and I'm quite sure it wasn't an animal either. A friend asked me if I was dreaming it and I said no way because I remember feeling very annoyed at being woken up and so I said a short prayer before I fell back asleep. (July 27, 2011)

4. I was sleeping when I was disturbed by 'something' playfully tugging my blanket and nudging me awake. I kept falling back asleep after each time being awake as I was just plain tired. (July 31, 2011, around 5am)

5. Last night I had a nightmare, I've had nightmares before but the one last night was the first that really frightened me that I had to blog about. I dreamt that I was sleeping with my friend in the next bed and I told her not to look out the window (as I believed there was something there). The next thing I know, the 'thing', wrapped in a white blanket, crawled over me and started using its nails to scratch my arm (which I had used to block myself from it). I remember calling the name of Jesus. I cried, 'JESUS!' and a second time, 'JESUS' and it disappeared. And I woke up, said a prayer, grabbed my rosary and tried to fall back to sleep.

Please keep me in your prayers when you pray. I do know that the more you do the Lord's work or try your best to follow His ways, you are bound to face all sorts of stuff that will stop you or deter you from building his kingdom.

I trust in my Lord and in His goodness, and I believe that my Father in heaven will not abandon me.

Melt the Frozen, Warm the Chill

Last Saturday I attended a talk conducted by Sr Elizabeth Sim on understanding your thoughts and emotions. I guess you could say I signed up for it as I really wanted to understand why and how our thoughts and emotions come about and how it affects us. It was a good talk, kept light and well-paced. One takeaway I had from the 3-hour long session was this:

Hurt-->Resentment-->Emotional Debt-->Triggers-->Inappropriate Action

Basically it's when you're hurt by something someone said, and you do not express it to the person who has hurt you, that emotion turns to resentment (whether you know it or not) and this resentment becomes anger not expressed. You then incur 'emotional debt'. This bank of emo debt grows over time each time you keep stuff bottled up or supressed. Soon enough, any incident, no matter or trivial or insignificant can trigger off an inappropriate action that doesn't quite match the situation. For example, a close friend could have lashed out at you without you realising what hit you. Knowing that it's very out-of-character for this friend to behave in this way, there must be a reason for her behaviour. Bottomline is, whatever that is bugging you, it's best to talk it out or to confront the situation.

This is very hard to do. Personally, I believe pride often get in the way of forgiveness and reconciliation between two people who had fallen out. However, I believe that with Christ's love, it is possible. Even if it means you have to do it seventy times seven times.

"Melt the Frozen, Warm the Chill" - My favourite liner from the Pentecost Sequence Prayer

Restless by Audrey Assad

I can't sleep tonight, I guess I've had a few things weighing on my mind recently. Some good, some not so good.

Here's a question: Why is it the people whom you love (and you know they love you too and yet) hurt you too easily? Due to recent events, it must have become apparent how I felt cos my mum came up to me to talk about it. I smiled and told her: don't worry mum, it's ok, I know he's like that, I'm not bothered. I guess you can say I am very bothered. I can only pray and ask God to take away the hurt caused unto me.

Count your blessings I always say. I'm counting them Lord, I'm counting them all. Oh one more thing Lord, please grant me patience, lots of it.

The Choice Weekend - March 2011

Well, I finally went for the Choice weekend. People (who don't know better) always think that Choice is a retreat for singles to fall in love with each other like it was some kinda match-making event. But just so you know what the Choice Weekend is, it's a weekend retreat where singles aged 18-35yo get together to learn a whole lot of stuff. More information can be found here: http://www.choice.org.sg/

So after 2 failed attempts in attending it, I finally went as I couldn't bring myself to tell Albert i/c of Registration, for the third time, to withdraw my registration :) haha

I enjoyed all of it - dormitory life for the 3D2N, rushing down to the hall when the bell sounded, heading down to the kitchen hungrily when it was time for lunch or dinner, singing grace before meals, making new friends and of course, spending time with the Lord. Also, I gotta say it felt absolutely wonderful to be a retreat participant than the camp organiser :p

If you're feeling like your soul is dying (dramatically speaking of course) and/or you need to breakaway from the daily toil, and of course if you're single and aged btw 18-35, do sign up for it. The next one's in May 2011 :)

I Made my Choice!

I am finally signed up for Choice Weekend and will be attending it next weekend (28-30 Jan). I believe it's all in God's timing really. I was determined to attend it last year in Nov/Dec but I was just too swamped with Advent and Christmas preparations at church that I had to tell the organisers to push me to the next one. They got in touch with me last week and after pondering it over for 2 days, I said Yes.

Please pray for me during this time. Thank you and God bless you!

Afternote: I didn't attend it as I didn't feel quite prepared. I hope that I'd feel ready for the next one!

9 months in the 'new' job

After 9 months at the 'new' job, I am already looking for another. For reasons such as poor job fit, zero job satisfaction and me dying a social death, I decided to tender my resignation.

This move actually brought about peace and no mixed feelings (as with the resignation of the prev job a year ago). Actually this whole experience made me realise that no amount of tangible perks (expensive meal treats, high-flying events, freebies, fantastic staff benefits etc) in a branded university can be compared to sheer job satisfaction and the other many intangibles that I've experienced before in a social service sector.

I'm not sure what the future holds for me now but I can only ask the Lord to continue to guide me in this journey. Sometimes I think He placed me in this 'new' job as a place for me to realise which industry/sector I belong to as well as a refuge place to restore my spirit and regain my strength. Well, the 'new' job has served me well and I hope I have done the same :)

"Lord, please guide me in this search for the job that you would want me to be in. I trust in You O Lord to place me in a role that can best make use of the gifts and talents that you have given me. I make this prayer through Jesus my Lord. Amen."